And now? Now we have duets with flute and trombone. And these performances are magic in their similarities and differences. Magic for Mud and me.
Monday, April 22, 2013
It's been a gradual ascent towards self love for me. I didn't come out of the womb loving myself. But I feel like I'm almost to the top- all thanks to these amazing women who lifted me up on Friday night like I had just scored the game winning goal. I felt more loved and appreciated on this night than I've ever felt in my life. 40 years in the making. I don't even know how to begin to say thank you for the song, the words, the joy, the slideshow, the strength you give me. It's incredible. I'll be talking about this evening for the rest of my life and I will cry every time. Tears of joy.
Thanks you bitches.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
"Well, I don't really know what else to tell you. I'm not going to let you ditch her. If you don't want to do it you don't have to. You just have to tell her why."
"Fine. I'll go."
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
My hockey buddy Cindy took me on the slow boat home from hockey last night to help save the salamanders. We drove 10 miles an hour, getting out every few yards to help a peeper, wood frog, or spotted salamander cross the road from the woods to the vernal pool in which they're programmed to leave sperm and eggs to meet up. It takes a perfect storm for the migration to occur- the right temperature and a slick road. And it's unfortunate that a speeding truck or car may just squash their attempts at procreation. So that's where the volunteers come to help. People in reflective clothes and boots up to their thighs and head lamps rotating around like lighthouse beams are walking along dirt roads- some with clipboards taking count of how many alive salamanders, peepers and frogs they help with the crossing and how many, unfortunately, died in their attempts.
Cindy told me about how they mate. I couldn't stop thinking about it so today I had her clarify because I wanted to make sure I got all the language correct.
"So the males gently nudge and bump both females and other males (usually males out number females in ponds, so there is competition for the females.) then they deposit their spermatophore on the bottom of the pond. The stimulated female positions her vent over a spermatophore and removes the sperm containing cap. You can find these whitish spermatophores attached to leaves and sticks under water in the breeding ponds following a night of heavy rain in the spring. These are the ones that are left over from the night before that the females did not choose.
Say wha? They dump their sperm at the bottom and then the females just go sit on it? Really?
And then the salamanders make their way back to the woods to burrow under leaves and detritus to hide. Yea, I think I could do that.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
I have a room with a view.
Because I've been waiting 9 years I HAVE A BATHROOM WITH A WALK-IN SHOWER THAT HAS A VIEW! Now I just need to get the cement guy to come. geesh.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Half way there!
Sunday, April 7, 2013
The Crossfit Open for 2013. I go to Crossfit so sporadically that I could never be as strong as this woman. By the way, her son is in my son's class so the turning 40 excuse is ridiculous. I want to be strong but I don't want to look like a man. But today I celebrate the smidgen on me that could do 1/3 of this.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
I was reminded of the first time we hiked together to the top of a white mountain in N.H. We were 23 and 24. So young. Paul Bunyan even had some hair. On that hike he taught me about bird calls, imitating them with words we know: "teacher teacher teacher". And then at dinner later that night his fingers brushed up against my ankles and that was that.
Besides identifying trees, he's also teaching me how to use a chain saw- of which I'm very nervous to use because quite frankly I like all my appendages right where they are. He's taught me a whole hell of a lot over the years, mostly that you can pretty much do anything if you put your mind to it. I could probably write a beautiful eulogy right now for him if I had to. "He taught me how to fold a tent properly, how to paddle a canoe, how to fix..."
And then I had to start thinking about what he would say at my funeral: "She could fart in her sleep and belch like a mother-f...."
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
But Day 14 I celebrated my last day with this family. My first set of fraternal twins after 4 sets of identical. James and Bronte are on different rhythms, which means more work for mom and dad. Praise the god in charge of my identical twins who still shit at the same time every day.
But grow babies grow- it's always hard leaving.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
"But there definitely is a Santa Clause, right Mommy?"
"Yes, there is definitely a big fat man who comes down the chimney with your new bike on his shoulder. Definitely."
I kid. I kid. But it was a little different this year mostly because I could say to Claire, "Darling, I have to hide all the jelly beans around the house and fill your tiny buckets with chocolate. Can you please go to bed because I am exhausted."
And then she said, "Mom, will you make it harder this year? I mean, like, really hide the jelly beans? Because it's too easy."
That's what I get for telling her the truth. Criticism.
Well, I hid the jelly beans like my mother did for me, and her mother did for her, on dusty windowsills and corners of cabinets that are easy to see and easy to find. Mostly because a) I don't want to find them in July melted to my antique furniture and b) I want the hunt to be over rather quickly. Which it was, luckily. Claire meanly declared herself the winner and then Timmy proceeded to spill his all over the floor. Auggie held the dog back while Claire picked up one and despite my hands possibly being a little wet, Timmy and I picked up the others. And then a few minutes later Timmy is screaming, "MOM- they're melting. My jelly beans are MELTING!"
"Timmy," I said, "please be quiet- your father is trying to sleep!" Because he worked the night before and was headed back in in a few hours. Happy happy.
"MOM! They're melting." Freaking out over jelly beans. Seriously? I went to look in his bucket and there mixed with fake grass (green paper ripped into strips by Claire) and real dead grass (picked from the poop yard outside, also by Claire) was his melting jelly beans. My hands may have been a little more than a little wet. "Okay, well what would you like to do? What do you think your choices are?"
He really didn't know what his choices were.
And there it was- another perk of actually being out of the closet: "Honey, I have a half of a bag of jelly beans in the cabinet. Would you like to throw yours out and get a few more handfuls?"
What a relief to be OUT of the closet! I saved the day!! If I was still the "real" Easter bunny I would have had to make him eat melted, poop covered, jelly beans.
Well, he was happy but then I turned to look at Auggie and he was about to cry. "What's up buddy?"
"Mom," he said sadly, "I can't eat these."
And he was right. Two days prior he had his very expensive pallet expander put in. How timely. "Oh, darlin, I'm sorry. Aren't you glad I gave you mints?" I tried to sound enthusiastic.
What a dumb question- mints over jelly beans, are you kidding me? I knew he wouldn't answer me and it was okay when he turned away from me. But after a few seconds I made an announcement to everyone- including Paul Bunyan sleeping soundly upstairs.
"Hello Everyone? Hello! This Easter bunny is RETIRED! You guys are in charge of your own Easter next year. Have fun!" And then I turned around to the sink full of dishes.
Monday, April 1, 2013
We clean vomit out from the spaces in between the wood floors at 11:45 p.m.