Saturday, January 14, 2012

A Letter to Langdon

My hockey friend Susie just had the baby that was inside her body

come out.

This dog named Briggs was her first baby.

But now she has a real one. His name is Langdon, which I love. I was trying to come up with nick names for this one but it was tough. His middle name is Thomas. So, I think I'll call him L.T.

Hey L.T.,

Welcome to this world. You came into the world during a tough time- politically, economically, globally- but I'm not one to talk about that kind of stuff so we won't go there. I'm just glad you're here. And I'm glad you're big because big is better, generally speaking.

Now, I realize that you're just a few days old but you're probably an old soul and you probably already understand a few things. So, despite this, I'd like to offer you up a few suggestions. I did this for your Dad but I'm not sure he listened at all. You probably don't have to either. I mean, who the hell am I anyway? I'm sorry, I'll try not to swear. I realize you're all brand new and shiny.

So first off is this sleep shit (stuff). You're going to suck at it at first (maybe) because your body digests breast milk after only 90 minutes so you gotta eat and all that. So, we'll give you a break at first but then you gotta be smart about it. Because honestly speaking you don't want to see your Mom exhausted and tired from getting up every two hours- that's just ugly. You want her to be happy so that you're happy. So be good.

Now, to go back to the eating thing. Be good at that too. You can suck at it later, if you want, and make your parent's crazy with your pickiness but for now just eat and digest. Suck at it really good. As in, suck hard and suck strong so that you're not at the breast for, like, 45 minutes because that just sucks for your Mom. I know all that sucky stuff is confusing but you'll figure it out. I believe in you.

More important in some ways than being a good sleeper and a good eater is being a good pooper. Don't keep that shit (stuff) in- let it out. Poop all you want, whenever you want, wherever you want. You can fart too- that's not bad but we want some really good ass blasts from you. We want you to shock your parents. We want good blow outs. We want up the back, through the sides, over the top. It's all good. Just remember...pooping is good.

Now right off the bat, because you can't talk yet, I want you to have different cries for different things. It's difficult sometimes as a parent to figure out what you need- so don't make it hard. You're a smart kid, I can already tell from the pictures so don't screw up your parents by having one cry for any need you have. You must have a different cry for when you're tired, wet, hungry, or need to fart. It's simple. I believe you can do this.

You're probably going to love the water because you wanted to stay in that hot tub of your Mommy's belly for so long but just so you know your tubs are going to be short lived if you poop in them. So don't poop in the tub, it will only make your mommy and daddy upset that they have to drain the water and start all over. Just relax and enjoy this part of your life when you have someone actually scrubbing you down. It all ends in five or six years so live it up.

Okay, you're going to get sick one of these days- let's hope it's not until you're 7 or 8 months old. But whatever you do don't eat your snot. It's gross. And when you have the dexterity to stick that finger up your nose, don't eat your boogers. It's gross and the ladies won't like it.

And speaking of being sick, when you get the stomach bug please have the where-with-all to vomit somewhere besides on your body or on your parent's bodies. It's gross. I believe in you.

Now, when you start walking and talking there are few things that you need to do to your parents that may seem mean but in reality it's actually teaching them a few good lessons. You must at some point in your toddlerdom: 1)have a nightmare and climb into their bed but don't ever ask or expect to sleep with them on a nightly basis, 2) jump in mud puddles in your nice shoes, even if they tell you not to, 3) throw a tantrum at the grocery store, 4) eat sand in the sand box, 5) refuse to put on your winter jacket, 6)be adamant about choosing your own clothes, 7)wipe your dirty hands on the walls, actually go further and draw on the walls, 8) poop in your pants when you're potty training, 9)refuse to try new things to eat, and 10) say no. All of these things will teach your parents lessons in patience, self control and more importantly they will all make your parents realize that they have no control what so ever, which is exactly what you're supposed to be teaching them all along.

So, just a few more things. 1) Love the dog. He's crazy and wild but don't ever hurt an animal, unless you go fishing with your father and then you can hook all the fish you want. 2) Smile all the time. I heard once that happier people live longer. Help make your parents go the distance 3) Love hockey- it'll make your life a lot easier. 4) Eat your mother's food (even though I told you to not try new things- you'll be missing out), your mother is an amazing cook. 5) Dream big. The bigger you dream the farther you'll go. 6) Get out of Vermont. I think your parents met here in high school, married here in their high school, and are here and have never left here so GO. 7) Read a lot. I can't make my kids read a book, so I'm telling you to because you might actually listen to me. Reading makes you smart. duh. 8) Dance. A lot. 9) Wrestle with your dad and get good at it so that some day you can whip his ass (butt). 10) Love. Love a blanky, a color, a food, a grandparent, a word, anything. Just love.

And we will all love you back.

Can't wait to meet you- you brand new shiny thing.

Much love,
The Hussy

Monday, January 2, 2012


Happy One Two Twelve friends. It's a brand new year! I thought I would share my wish list for MORE this year while at the same time looking back at the lone photos on my digital memory card that were not uploaded because a) they weren't good enough or b) there was no story attached.

Here's a photo of the kids I took on 1/28/11. They had built a fort in the living room. My wish is for more forts, more camaraderie, more reading in forts built with the foundations of more camaraderie in 2012.

Paul Bunyan took this photo of Timmy on top of the red car on 3/7/11. It felt like a record snow storm that day. I remember climbing on my parent's blue Volvo station wagon after the storm of 78'. I hope Timmy remembers this day.

I wish for gigantic snow in 2012- snow that goes up to the window frames and doesn't melt until all the ticks have frozen to death in March and April.

I took this boring photo of Sydney in her favorite hang out spot under the side porch. She digs a hole, pisses in it, and then lies down in her urine like a good dog who has genetically inherited a wolf's way of life. I need as much as I can of Sydney in 2012 because I know she's not much more for this world. She still ceases to amaze Paul Bunyan and I as she spryly jumps over fallen trees in the woods and continues to pull food off the counters like she did when she was a pup.

On 7/15/11 Claire and her best friend Maggie ended a life changing week at art camp. We need MORE MORE MORE of this in 2012. With only a half hour of art during her school week I can't get enough of art out of school...I think it fuels her fire and we need more (!) to stoke that shit up.

On 8/15/11 the boys turned 7. They got a trip to the water park for their birthday. I need MORE of them in 2012 before they grow so fast I won't be able to pick them up or wash their bodies in the tub or hug them in the mornings when they come out from their bedroom. Soon they won't let me even rub their heads.

This is Paul Bunyan on 8/15/11 before he turned into a skinny bastard after working his ass off at Crossfit. I need MORE of Paul Bunyan since he's lost 30 pounds but that's hard to come by. We'll work on weekends away in 2012 before he physically fades away.

9/12/11...I'm pretty sure I'll have plenty of this in 2012 but I need MORE good behavior and less puppy behavior, please and thank you. Oh, and let's hope for NO ticks in 2012.

9/13/11. Let's hope for more growing of teeth and less losing of teeth in 2012 because that tooth fairy shit is hairy business. Very stressful- especially if you wake up the NEXT morning and realize you forgot. I don't have the nerves for it. Please and thank you.

10/7/11. I look forward to more moments in time with Claire. This was a moment in time when the butterfly made us both stop. I hope for more moments when the stars and moon and birds and bees make us stop and share something between the two of us. Because I know that those moments will, also, be harder to come by.

10/8/11. MORE dinners with friends. Outside. Sunset. Candles. Fresh tomatoes. MORE MORE MORE.

10/26/11. MORE traditions. MORE fun. MORE of the same year after year. It's okay with me if is has to do with love and laughter because that's the best medicine.

Here's to MORE of what you want, what you really really want, in 2012.