Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Winkler Wedding from a Deconstructionist Viewpoint (outline only)

***Do not start reading this outline if you are about to start dinner for your children, or you think you might have to take a shit, or you want to catch your favorite show in a few minutes. It is long and detailed, as dissertations should be, and therefore it deserves to be read in one sitting, without interruption. Thank you.

I. Rob's 35th (Eeek!) Birthday...the day we arrive.

A. Venice Beach visit.
  1. 1st Mexican meal.
  2. 1st meal I didn't have to prepare.
  3. found out Michael Jackson died.
  4. everyone was crying.
  5. except me.
D. Rest of the Mothership arrive at retro apartment.

E. Birthday Party.
  1. 1st hugs and kisses from Henry.
  2. 2nd meal I didn't have to prepare.
  3. cake.

4. kisses (meet Zoe!)

5. hugs (meet Henry!)

6. Mothers (meet Stacy and Lois)

7. Presents.

II. L.A. is cold. Bring sweatshirt next time.
A. 3rd meal I didn't have to prepare.
B. Hike
1. straight up.

2. foggy views.

3. lizard hunting.

4. boys in love with each other.

C. Malibu
  1. 2nd Mexican meal.
  2. 4th meal I didn't have to prepare.
  3. surfing boys.
D. Shopping on Abbott Kinney
  1. saw Marcia Cross.
  2. ate first Pink Berry, glad it was free.
  3. bought nothing.
E. Rehearsal Dinner. Buffalo Club
  1. 2nd hugs and kisses from Henry.
  2. 5th meal I didn't have to prepare.
  3. lots of fun with friends.
3.a. blushing bride to be.

3.b. Steve and Kate plus zero.

3.c. Craig and Michele plus 18 weeks.

3.d. Tim and Alana plus three.

3.e. sharing the love.

3.f. Paul Bunyan would beat this man up later this evening.

3.g. my newest friend. I told him I would sign this photo for him.

4. Video



4.d. The Mothership introduces itself.

5. The party begins

  1. I did not start that food fight. I don't have any recollection. It couldn't have been me.
  2. The only reason I went into the ocean was because I was drunk.
  3. I did not have anything to do with Paul Bunyan moabing Jon.
A. Breakfast
  1. 3rd Mexican meal.
  2. 6th meal I didn't have to prepare.
  3. should have ordered the burrito called the 'hangover' but I got the special.
B. Beach

  1. Finally I was hot.
  2. Burned my back.
  3. Hung with the ladies while the 'boys' went to the Bell Air.

1. The walk in.
1.a. chandelier is the first thing I see.

1.b. flowers are the next.

1.c. 3rd hug and kiss from Henry...in his home.

2. The Backyard: how to decorate for an outdoor wedding. Holy Shit.

2.a. hang chandeliers from a tree.

2.b. get as many couches and pillows as you can.

2.c. throw herbs on the ground where people will walk. It smells like you're taking a bath with thyme and rosemary. Delicious.

2.d. invite hicks from Vermont.

2.d.1. The New York dress.

2.e. Better yet, invite super stars.

3. The Ceremony. How to do it right (or the way Zoe and Rob did it).

3.a. walk down with both parents to Bob Seeger

3. b. walk down with both parents to the Old 97's "Question".

please listen...it's awesome.

Question (LP Version) - Old 97s

3.c. write your own vows. Rob's were the best I have ever heard. Someday he'll send them to me and you'll be able to read them yourselves.

3.d. Have a great herpes-free kiss.

Sorry that this photo is focused on the man with the mohawk. Paul Bunyan was holding the camera in the air to take the picture.

4. Let's Start the Party.
4.a. Have champagne ready!

The blue napkins on the table in the back right of this photo had fun quotes about Rob and Zoe (i.e. Rob and Zoe like to sing together in the car). Super cute!

4.b. have fun hors d'ouevres to eat with plastic cups and spoons.

4.c. let people snoop in your house, but have security there to make sure they don't take anything.

4.d. provide lots of things for the ladies, it they need it.

Paul Bunyan came home with most of these items...shhh. There was no security in the bathroom.

4.e. tree with wishes.

4.f. classic cake.

4.g. with classic top.

4.h. can you guess?

4.i. wear pink shoes.

5. The Dinner...in the front yard.

5.a. Are you kidding me?

5.b Love the ones you're with.
5.b.1 Jarhead.

5.b.2. Craig

5.b.3 Michele and baby.

5.b.4 Stinky.

5.b.5. Lovely Brie and husband Adam.

5.b.6. New BFF.

5.c. 7th meal I didn't have to prepare.
5.d. Have French Service.
5.e. Find the best chef you can afford.

6. Late night party....back to the backyard.
a. serve crazy good bite size desserts
b. have a band
c. have a d.j.
d. have slippers for the ladies.
e. have cappuccino and espresso machines.
f. serve late night snacks.
g. cry when you dance with your father to this:

Daughter - Loudon Wainwright III

7. Exit
7.a. 4th hug and kiss from Henry
7.b. give Zoe and Rob the Viking Hat.

Do not lose it guys (there are many more occasions where it will be needed)!!

7.c. just missed the ice cream truck.
7.d. ate Krispy Kreme donuts instead, which were left in our mini van.

A. Holy Big House
  1. 5th hug and kiss from from Henry
  2. ate my 8th meal I didn't have to prepare
  3. 6th and final hug and kiss from Henry
B. Lazy Afternoon with Rob

  1. First ever In and Out Burger.
  2. Which was my 9th meal I didn't have to prepare (or eat for that matter).
  3. Last trip to Venice.
  4. Paul Bunyan's final swim in the ocean.

C. Don Antonios.

  1. 4th Mexican meal.
  2. 10th and final meal I didn't have to prepare.
  3. The last hurrah before catching the red eye.
V. Conclusion

A. The Eating

  1. I love Mexican Food.
  2. I love eating food I don't have to prepare.
  3. I love eating good food.
  4. I love not having to clean up after meals.
  5. I love having food fights.
B. Henry's kisses and hugs.

  1. Henry is a real man.
  2. Henry made me feel truly special, even if I'm not famous.
  3. Henry gave his kisses for free.
  4. I didn't have any money anyway.
C. The Mothership.

  1. It's weird that these men love each other as much as they do.
  2. It's weird that these men beat the crap out of each other as much as they do.
  3. It's weird that I love all the wives that these men chose to marry.
  4. It's weird that these men love getting together and are already planning the next reunion.

D. Robert and Zoe.

  1. You are beautiful people.
  2. More importantly, you're beautiful people on the inside.
  3. I was nervous about your union (having had Robert here a year and a half ago).
  4. I am now more certain than ever that you two will make it.
  5. More importantly, that you'll make each other better people in the end.
  6. And most importantly, that you'll make everyone who has ever known you better people in the end.