A Few Letters of Request

Dear Connie,

I'm still sort of upset with you for moving away halfway through my therapy work. I still need your help. I need you to help me figure out why I can live in a house with clutter and crap everywhere and, yet, my whole body seizes up and I start to have panic attacks when the tiny pieces from the Lego sets that the boys' received for their birthday get scattered throughout the house and are used for other things other than the helicopter or airplane or boat they were designed to be used with.

Love, your Hussy


Dear Lego Gods,

Why did you have to make such small god damn pieces?

Love, your Hussy


Dear Liebe,

Will you please stop pulling our nice pieces of pottery off the counter? You have broken my favorite sugar bowl and favorite butter dish, all in one week. You may have the yard....anything in it. You may dig holes, eat flowers, pee and poop anywhere. The yard is yours. Anything on the counter is mine. Do you understand?

Love, your Hussy


Dear hydrangea gods,

Will you please explain to me why this happened this year?



And why I only got ONE flower?




Albeit beautiful, one is never enough for me. See Connie? I still need your help.

Love, your Hussy


Dear Hunter,

Will you please kill the mice that are in the house and not the ones that are outside?

Love, your Hussy


Dear Circus Boy,

I know that we have been missing each other as of late. Although, I feel like I've been missing you more than you've been missing me. But that's okay. I understand that is sometimes how things work. I've also discovered how much I really love you. Despite feeling guilty that I love you so much, I still have to come to terms with the fact that I need my liver to function as well as it possibly can right now...to get rid of those dead and dying spirochetes. So, I'm going to have to control my cravings for a little while. But we'll meet again...very soon. It won't be long until I have your cold long bottle neck in my hands again. And the birds will be singing.

Love, your Hussy