Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A Few Letters of Request

Dear Connie,

I'm still sort of upset with you for moving away halfway through my therapy work. I still need your help. I need you to help me figure out why I can live in a house with clutter and crap everywhere and, yet, my whole body seizes up and I start to have panic attacks when the tiny pieces from the Lego sets that the boys' received for their birthday get scattered throughout the house and are used for other things other than the helicopter or airplane or boat they were designed to be used with.

Love, your Hussy

Dear Lego Gods,

Why did you have to make such small god damn pieces?

Love, your Hussy

Dear Liebe,

Will you please stop pulling our nice pieces of pottery off the counter? You have broken my favorite sugar bowl and favorite butter dish, all in one week. You may have the yard....anything in it. You may dig holes, eat flowers, pee and poop anywhere. The yard is yours. Anything on the counter is mine. Do you understand?

Love, your Hussy

Dear hydrangea gods,

Will you please explain to me why this happened this year?

And why I only got ONE flower?

Albeit beautiful, one is never enough for me. See Connie? I still need your help.

Love, your Hussy

Dear Hunter,

Will you please kill the mice that are in the house and not the ones that are outside?

Love, your Hussy

Dear Circus Boy,

I know that we have been missing each other as of late. Although, I feel like I've been missing you more than you've been missing me. But that's okay. I understand that is sometimes how things work. I've also discovered how much I really love you. Despite feeling guilty that I love you so much, I still have to come to terms with the fact that I need my liver to function as well as it possibly can right get rid of those dead and dying spirochetes. So, I'm going to have to control my cravings for a little while. But we'll meet again...very soon. It won't be long until I have your cold long bottle neck in my hands again. And the birds will be singing.

Love, your Hussy


  1. Dear Hussy,

    Love, your Liebe

  2. Dear Hussy,
    There's nothing better than Eddie Vedder.

    Don't Rely on those who won't Try.

    Loath to Drink India Ink.

    Spread Fred.

    The Weird should never be Feared.

    (and a personal fave:)
    It's all a Movie, but it's Your Movie.

    Love, your Circus Boy

  3. I love how you're getting into this. Claire stole all my favorite caps for her bottle cap collection and now they're lost in the black hole that is her room.

    Now, will you pretend to be my therapist and help me with my Lego issue?

  4. Dear Hussy,
    I'm afraid i can't help. For lego-itis, i prescribe filling one's house with homegrown, cut hydrangeas....followed up by cracking open a long, cold one if any panic still arises.

    so, good luck with all that.
    Love, your Therapist