Monday, September 27, 2010

The Botties

I have failed to introduce you to some very important members of our family. They are slowly dying and may one day be reduced to shreds. But they've survived being left behind in mall bathrooms and have endured being washed with purple chapstick. They've been peed on and puked on. They have persevered through burns on the wood stove and have stayed stinky through many washes. They've been to New York, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Florida, Minnesota, California, Pennsylvania, Illinois, and Arizona. And lots of places in between.

Each of the spawn does something different with their botty (named because the boys couldn't say 'blankie'). A few of them have demonstrated for you.

Timmy pulls his between his index finger and his middle finger.

And rubs it.

And then he runs his fingers around the edges.

Until he finds his corner.

Where there is a hole. And then he proceeds to stick his finger into.

And sometimes he puts his hole in his ear and makes this sucking motion with his tongue and lips.

And sometimes he just smells the thing.

Auggie's botty is blue.

He wraps the engraved 'Auggie' around the index finger of his right hand.

And pulls it tight with his three other fingers.

And then proceeds to put his left thumb in his mouth.

He only sucks his thumb when he has his botty. (ding ding ding...take the botty away!!)

But it makes him happy.

Here is a picture of Claire refusing to show me what she does with her botties. She has two. But she has two tags, which she flicks on the tip of her nose. At the same time, she makes a high pitched squeeling noise with her nose. I'll try to record it some time- covertly. If she's not flicking the tags on the tip of her nose, she's rubbing them on the inside of her left index finger. She has a callous to prove this. Ask her to show you if you don't believe me. She generally just sniffs the suckers and subsequently hates it when I wash them.

It wasn't too long ago that I began to hate the Botties. I'll say it now. I hate the Botties. It might make me look insincere, and quite possibly the meanest mommy around. But I don't care. Here is how it goes sometimes.

2 a.m. I am sleeping. "Mommy, I can't find my Botty." "Timmy, it probably fell down onto Auggie's bed." "But Mommy, I looked. I can't find it." "Check your covers and come find me if you can't find it." A few minutes later. "Mommy, it's not anywhere." So, I go and find the sucker burried deep under the sheets. And everyone goes back to sleep.

7:30 a.m. We are backing out of the driveway. "Wait! I need my Botty!" "No. You don't. We're late and it's a 10 minute drive to school." "Yes! I do!" "Fine, quick. Go get it!"

3:00 p.m. Everyone has gotten home from school. "Mommy, where is my Botty?"
4:00 p.m. "Mommy, where is my Botty?"
5:00 p.m. I am making dinner and the Botties are getting twirled around my kitchen. "Get those things out of here!"

7:00 p.m. Bedtime. "Mommy, where is my Botty?" "I burned it."

Yes, I've resorted to saying "I burned it" every time they ask. It took awhile for them to realize that I was joking. Every time I said it they thought I was serious and a look of panic crossed their faces. And part of me was serious. I would have loved to have walked out to the big green monster and thrown those suckers into the boiling blaze. I would have shut that door and never had to look at another stinkin' Botty for the rest of my life. But that would be cruel. And my plan worked anyway. They have stopped asking. And I have stopped searching. If they can't find it, it's their loss.

But I respect the Botties place in our household. I'm just looking forward to the day that they are just remnants. I have a feeling it might be awhile.

So until then, my recommendation to you, if you're a new-to-be mom, give your babies pacifiers.


  1. My sister's kid turns 13 next month. He still has one. He's a sniffer.

  2. So my sister in law found pacifiers in a bag and cut them up. She was thinking it was a right of passage for them but they went crazy mad/sad. So pacifiers don't work either. I still have my bobo. I used to ride it w/ my bike. I remember getting it out of my chain. :)

  3. just imagine what a 44-yr old pillow looks like.