Why am I doing this?

Report Cards....sent home in backpacks last Friday.

Trimester 2. Complete.
Kindergarten (may I remind you)

4= Exceeds the Grade Level Expectation for this time of year.
3= Meets the Grade Level Expectation for this time of year.
2= Approaching the Grade Level Expectation for this time of year.
1= Skill is not Demonstrated.

Okay, thank the good lord we don't believe in that there weren't any 1's. Be grateful that there are mostly 3's on the computer printouts (remind me not to save these so that the boys don't have to look back and regret that they were ONLY meeting the Grade Level Expectation (and sometimes not) and never Exceeding at anything they ever did in Kindergarten).

Here is where we are "approaching" the expectations...

Auggie:

Student completes quality work independently: 2 (still only approaching grade level)
Student is an active listener and effectively participates in learning activities: 2 (still only approaching grade level)

Teacher comments: "Auggie is a good friend to all and has made many new friends in Kindergarten (read: Auggie likes to spank the girls in the class, because he's obsessed with butts and he sometimes kisses them on the lips). I often have to remind Auggie to use self control and to attend to the job he is working on. (Yes, because you ask him to sit all day long and he's 5 (FIVE) years old)"

Word Identification and Strategies- Student recognizes and names all upper and lowercase letters and can identify the primary sounds represented by most letters- Moving down from a 3 in the first Trimester, Auggie receives a 2 this trimester (still approaching grade level)

Teacher comments: "Auggie is getting extra help in reading 4 times a week for 30 minutes each session. (GREAT) Auggie is coming along really well in his reading skills. He has learned all the letters and their sounds (So why the fuck did he get a 2 on Word Identification and Strategies, when last trimester he got a 3?). Auggie is also recognizing many sight words and is excited about reading books. Keep up the work at home with his reading bags, he gets really excited when he can get new books to bring home".

Auggie got all 2's for his writing standards. His teacher writes, "Auggie is beginning to take risks in his writing and writing down the sounds that he hears. (nothin' like a good risk taker)"

Timmy:
Student completes quality work independently: 2
Student is an active listener and effectively participates in learning activities: 2
(Same as his younger brother- only approaching grade level expectations)

Teacher comments: "Timmy has made some good friends in Kindergarten. (Same as his younger brother) He gets very excited and has to learn to control his excitement. (Well, of course, because he's a f-ing kid, and also five, and also because you make him sit all day long) Timmy does work hard on the tasks that I ask him to complete. (Great, but he doesn't complete "quality" work independently. So, he must be completing shitty work)."

"Timmy is excited about the reading that he is doing. He is beginning to use the strategies that we have been working on. Timmy gets extra help 4 times a week for 30 minutes each time. (GREAT)"

Timmy also got all 2's on Writing Standards (Well, because he just learned how to hold a f-ing pencil).

"Timmy is really beginning to take risks in his writing (Just like his younger brother). He uses the knowledge that he has about letters and sounds and does a great job sounding words out. Timmy also challenges himself by sounding out words at any opportunity that he has. I would like to see him widen his interest in what he is writing about (Yea, because writing about Monster Trucks is sooo boring)."



I'd like to take this Monster Truck Auggie drew (exceptionally well, I might add) and crush all standards and expectations.



And I'd like to take this monster truck Timmy drew (exceptionally well, I might add) and crush the fact that even though my boys have made incredible strides in their independence and confidence, I'm being told that they're below the expectations put on them by the state.

And I'd like to get into a monster truck to feel like I could actually do something to change public education, or better yet, have the gumption to homeschool their asses, without fearing that I'm going to screw them up for life.

And I'd like to teach them how to build their own real monster trucks so that one day they can feel that they exceeded everybody's expectations because who would expect a 5 year old to be able to do that? And then Timmy wouldn't have to "learn to control his excitement" but rather, drive that sucker all over town. And maybe he could even have his monster truck jump up and down, which is what he does sometimes when he's excited.

I hate expectations.

**Mom, and to anyone else who might be offended, I'm sorry about all the swearing. I might be making an assumption, but I think that's how all monster truck driver's talk.