Friday, May 17, 2013

A Wombat Celebration of Mary

I've hijacked the Hussy's blog.  I know this lovely lady isn't likely to toot her own horn, so I'm doing it for her.  About a month before Mary's birthday, Paul Bunyan sent the following e-mail out to the Wombats:

         After much deliberation and emotional stress I have come up with a simple plan. Many could not swing the Tuckermans weekend (we'll have to revisit that in the future because I found a rental for all the families!) and I decided it should just be the girls because you ladies have more fun without us guys anyway. Also, I was told there was some discussion about a more intimate party and I know that Mary would prefer this to a big event. So, save the night of Fri the 19th and I will be sending you all out to dinner @ The Kitchen Table Bistro in a semi-private room. The reservation I made is @ 7:30. We will keep it a surprise and Medora will be taking Mary out to dinner because her looser husband is taking her to hang out with her in laws for her 40th. You can all dress in black tops and decorate the room how you like or whatever you want to do to pimp her. I will take care of the tab with the exception of drinks and gratuity if that sounds all right. Details to come.

Love to All,
Paul Bunyan

And so, it was decided that we would don ourselves in sequins and celebrate this fine lady in style.  In an attempt to honor our gal Mary, we all wrote a little something about this fine lady.  After some dancing and delicious food, we shared our words,  Here they are:

From Susan

Blue sky a mornin’
Happy Hollow girl with big beaver
Pond skating decades.
Chicken Pot pie love.
Peanut butter frosting love.
Homesteading hussy.
Forty years old now.
Year after year you amaze
Me, With strength of self.
The forties are fab.
No directions are needed.
Create your sweet path.

From Jules

Beautiful Mary
Knitter of coveted hats
Our Venus in furs
Sensitive badass
Friend, earth mama, doula
Roller derby next?

From Andrea

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
how does your garden grow?
with friends and dogs
and hops and hogs
and hand knit hats all in a row

Mary, Mary, extra-ordinary
ain’t nothing this chick can’t do
she skates and writes
and swears and bites
with more than enough sass to share

Mary, Mary now yer forty
What are you gonna do?
Spanx it up
Fill up a cup
and let us celebrate with you

From Jenny

Mary, sweet Mary
So beautiful contrary
tell us how does your sugarbush grow?
When 1st we met twas wooly and wild

Lately I’ve heard ‘tis trimmed and ready to go!
Her spirits relentless
whether fur clad or pantless
and her heart as big as the moon

Oh Mary, sweet  Mary
fabulously contrary
Oh how you make us all swoon!

From Lee

There’s Something About Mary

Magnificent at everything you do
Always with a beautiful smile
Ravishing in that hot pink dress
Your holiday soiree's and gal pal gathering are one of a kind

Girl you are amazing
A wombat to the core
Never without your charming sassy wit
Zesty fun lovin’ fabulous mom
Everyone wishes they looked that good at 40
Nifty knitter
Many incredibily lucky ladies call you their friend
Underwear fashionista
Lady extraordinaire on the ice
Everyone loves you!!
Rockstar in a fur coat

Cheers to you Mary!! Happy birthday my lovely dear friend!
A million xo’s

From Mud

Ode to Mary

I love that you are my friend.  Your presence comforts me and puts me at ease.  I love walking through the woods with you surrounded by canines who race back and forth like trout moving upstream.  We walk through mud, snow, and ice talking about dreams of the future in our woods, about friendships and husbands, about addiction and growing old.  Sometimes we talk a lot, and sometimes there is silence.  What I love is that it is not uncomfortable to be quiet with you.  In silence we learn who is a true friend.

When I am falling behind on a run, or struggling to keep up with a group, you are always there for me with words of encouragement.  You could easily race to the top and get their first, but instead you stand by me.  You have been my anchor through a slew of storms over the past 10 years.... through miscarriages, death, infants, toddlers, family mayhem, trauma, post traumatic stress..... you have helped me stay strong and carry on despite sadness, frustration and loss.  But through the madness and fog of the tough times, is the light and warmth of the good.  Warm summer days, sitting by the pond, a cocktail in hand watching our children play together with smiles on our faces and theirs or looking back at our tracks on a powder day, panting and grinning from ear to ear.....

You say you don’t know what to do next in life, but what you don’t realize is how much you are doing now.  I am in awe of your ability to juggle 3 children and live your dream of making a living off the land.  I am amazed by your athletic prowess and dedication to your team.  You are truly an inspiration.

Ten years from now, on your 50th birthday when the boys are 18 and most of my dogs have died, we will go south to warmer waters with our husbands and start a bed and breakfast for cute young sailors.... I will be the bartender, and you will cook the food.  Austin and Spencer can do the cleaning;)

Just know that no matter what else happens in life, one of your biggest accomplishments is being such an amazing friend to many and especially me.  I love you old lady.  Here’s to 40 more!!!

From Catherine

Here's to the Hussy
There's one thing you're wrong about, Miss Mary… one thing you're wrong about indeed. You think only three people read your blog? Ha! You make me snort and laugh if you believe that. Or, maybe I should put on my Hussy tone to respond to that. "Who are you fucking kidding? Fuck you crazy lady for thinking that!"
I'm not a weekly reader. I like to let some time lapse, and then make a pot of tea, and sit in my gross bathrobe and have a long read so I can soak it all in.
Impressive insight.
Wondrous wisdom.
Brutal honesty.
Rude, crude, downright hilarious humor.
An artistic eye.
Beautifully crafted words.
Usually I laugh. Sometimes I cry. I love it when I cry because I'm laughing so hard. Often, you make me think about things I normally don't take time to ponder. Usually shit having to do with the meaning of spawn.
Today, in preparation for your 40th, I made that cup of tea and read every post in the Wombat category. All 33 of them … Thirty Three! Thank God we have you, Homesteading Hussy, documenting the highs, the lows, the milestones, the minutia, the outrageousness, the traditions, the growth, and the meaning of it all. It would be a crying shame to let these moments fade with our memories. And, as much as I hate your fucking camera, I do love it when you point it at other people, or at the back window of an Econoline van where we're drawn penisis and vaginas for the world know … Mary G and Her Wombats have Here!

To know you through words is quite a unique gift indeed – perhaps a more clear reflection than I could pull out of you myself.
After 33 blog posts and 3 cups of tea, I think about your very special gift that brings your thoughts to life. But then I take a step back and realize all of the special gifts you have, and how blessed you are to be such a Jill-of-all-Trades. Amazing writer, photographer, cook, craftsperson. Builder, brewer, athlete. Parent, doula, friend. Explorer, adventurer, boat-rocker.  Beautiful and one-of-a-kind BIATCH!
You are a gem, Mary, and we are so happy to celebrate the very special YOU tonight!

From Katy
Mary, Mary Mary

What can’t you do?  
  • You are one of the few people I know who was not only a division I athlete, but one that played in the final four every year and almost made the Olympic National Team
  • You are one of the few people I know who has continued to be a team player--even into your 40’s.
  • You saved my ass when I signed on to coach high school field hockey and had not a clue as to how I could coach these girls.  
  • You have raised dogs, chickens, cats, alpacas, and pigs.  
  • You grow veggies and children like you were born to do it
  • You  had twins with a 2.5 year old and you nursed them and used cloth diapers.
  • You have always been my role model for how you have raised your children-- with lots of love, but understood limits.  
  • You hand spin, dye and knit the most gorgeous textiles I’ve seen
  • You know how to make a great cocktail-- those L.I. teas I was introduced to 9 years ago at Green River will never be forgotten.   
  • You bake the most delicious cakes I’ve ever had-- you’ve made a wedding cake for 90 people!
  • You write with humor and wit and sincerity that I will make you famous some day.
  • You rip on tele skis, a mountain bike, hockey skates, and I hear you are also a really good golfer, too.  
  • You’re an amazing artist-- look no further than behind your stove!
  • You have incredible will power-- whether changing your diet, fasting, or going on jaunts on the wagon.
  • You are tougher than nails-- you hardly let us know how much those Lyme buggers are bothering you and carry on with such stoicism and strength.
  • You suck the marrow out of your summers.  You get around and you make it happen.  
  • You adore your husband and model the give and take that a healthy relationship should emulate.
  • You don’t give a shit.  You say what you want, you do what you want, and you don’t get bogged down by worrying what others think.
  • You dream and you dream and you have come it with so many amazing ways to grow old....... tent platform B & B, brewery, post partum doula, writer, .......
  • You have a heart of gold.  You’d do anything for a friend.  When someone needs you, you are there....... doing exactly what that person needs, even before that person knows she needs it.  You were literally my angel when Cally broke her leg and I had a 3 week old...... You came to my house every week without even asking if I needed you -- preparing meals, strapping Hazen to your body, having your children read to and entertained Cally, and giving me the much needed break I needed to ski or just let go and breath.  I will never forget your generosity and find such comfort in knowing that your friendship is there for me.  
  • You wear your heart on your sleeve and that honesty and sincerity are something I cherish.

Thanks for being you.  I’m so glad you came into my life over 10 years ago.  Having you here has made me a better person.

From Jen (with help from Mud) and sung before the event:


1.   Here’s where we begin our song
This road of friendship’s grown so long
Our Mary with her heart of gold
Has reached that point, the bitch is old

2.   Don’t expect---that we’ll go easy on ‘er
--If we did, this song would be a yawner
“So listen up you pack of bitches!”
(We say that only in her honor)

Mary, Mary, don’t be fussy
Just cause you’re the homestead hussy
Don’t mean we can’t take you out
Dress you up, scream and shout

“Lordy she’s one gorgeous bitch
Can’t be more than 26
Forty if you’re really countin’
What’s she do on that there mountain?”.....

3.   She’s a lover, and so funny
Loves her kids and loves her honey
--We’d all learn a thing or two
Watching her do what she do

4.   But Jesus Christy, she's so feisty
When she drinks Long Island iced tea
Watch your back, she’ll take a smack
And leave her hand print ‘cross your crack!

"I refuse to smoke your weed
I just never felt the need
Now pass the margaritas please”

5.   Her talents have so many shades
She’s a jackass of all trades
Fiber spinner, gourmet dinner
Gifted writer, rooster fighter

6.   Photo taker, blog creator
Shit’s so good you gotta hate her
Pig pig miller, beer distiller
Veggie grower, Bunyon blower


7.   Baby charmer, homestead farmer
Pubic hair is now a goner
Lime diseaser, husband pleaser
Helpful doula, girl you rulah

8.   NC double A offender
Once an o-lymp-ic contenter
Rippin skier, you should see ‘er
Crossfitelia--let me feel ya!

9.   Plays ice hockey like a chick
Likes to hold that big hard stick
You won’t find this lady lunching
Nor will she be carpet munching

10. Self deprecating, masterbating
Gets off on alpacas mating
Likes to show her pubic shanks
In the hole of her beige spanks

“Though I can’t suck my own tit,
I have a very special clit
And I will crush you in crossfit...”

CHORUS x 2, repeat last line

I can't think of a better reason to put on the sequins and celebrate!  The Wombats are lucky to have Mary in our lives!

1 comment:

  1. Love. Thanks Katy for making this happen. Mary, you are one awesome beeatch! XOXO