Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Two Crappers for the Price of One.

I'm feeling very soggy and stinky being back in the cloth diaper pale. It's a beautiful thing to see babies in big bulky diapers but it has brought back some raw memories of washing, and washing, and soaking, and washing, and adding boiling water, and washing, and hanging to dry. What a cycle.

The good thing about using cloth is that it can (oftentimes) lead to quicker potty training. Timmy was two and a half. Here he is X-mas 06' with some new tighty whiteys on.

And of course by maintaining that two pound advantage over his brother, he continues to learn and succeed at things two months faster than his identical little brother.

But I remember one distinct day, in that two month period after Timmy learned to poop on a toilet and before Auggie did, we went out on a little adventure. We were in Play It Again Sports. I was probably trying to find skates for my little hockey prodigies. Because, well, they're both going to be stars...Dallas Stars. And well, why not start 'm up before they can shit on a toilet?

Now, the good thing about having identical twins who are on the same biorhythms is that they shit at the same time every day (or most every day). I got home from doulaing last night and they were both on the crapper (luckily we have three of them). Not being surprised, I was happy to have them sitting so I could steal a kiss.

But on this particular day, in Play It Again Sports, in the winter of 07, my two little shitters had to take a crap at the same time. I was in a little bit of a bind. The Play It Again shitter was in the very back of the store, in the janitor's closet. I'm sure you've been in one yourself- not wanting to sit or touch ANYTHING as you might contract some unknown bacterial disease and die of dirtytoiletitus. But you probably also know, if you've ever potty trained a toddler, that when they say they have to pee or poo, you gotta GET THEM TO A SHITTER. FAST! So I politely ask the man if we can use his crapper and he, noticing the fear in my eyes, says, "sure."

But at this same time Auggie says he has to poo too. Of course. Now, if you've ever had a toddler who likes to poo in his diaper you know that sometimes they like to poo in particular places. You can't ask a toddler to take a crap wherever YOU want them to. It doesn't work. So, as I'm running with Timmy to the dark janitor's closet in the back of the store, Auggie's headed for the completey opposite corner to take a poo in the comfort of his own dark fort under the men's hockey pants.

And because I want my son who is learning to poo on the toilet to take his good old time, I've told him never to rush. But rushed, I was, as I ran past softball gear and downhill boots, many times over, checking on both of my shitting sons.

"How's it goin under there?"

"How we doin' back here?"

"Almost done under there?"

"Ready for a wipe back here?"

"Yes? All done? Good, let's go wipe Timmy."

"Timmy, All done? Good, let's go change Auggie's diaper in the car. Now, wash your hands."

"And you there. You wash your hands too. You may have pooped in your diaper. But you touched that nasty door handle."

And that, my friends, is the end of my shitty tale.


  1. This year, I had Derek & Jason at Mully's and they both decided they needed to poo at the same time. Mully only had a one seater so I was forced to pick who got to have the dignity of using the toilet. Derek was the chosen one. He sat on the toilet while I tried to manage the very full undies of Jason's. They finished at the same time.....both in a doggy down position waiting to be wiped except Jason got a bath too.

  2. As I said at hockey...words cannot express my comments and chuckles to this poo-post. Your writing draws a clear picture of the scene at Play-it-Again ah haha!!!!!