Thursday, January 7, 2010
Little Miss Ass Saver's Cookbook
This is my friend Supa Cath. She is a Super Hero. Seriously. I know, I'm surrounded by them. She saves people's asses like nobody's business. I think I'll call her Little Miss Ass Saver. I know she's saving somebody's ass right now.
Anyway, Little Miss Ass Saver brought a special gift to this year's Yankee Swap. And if I hadn't gotten all greedy and stolen the waterproof vibrator and Hanky Panky underwear, I would have totally stolen Little Miss Ass Saver's gift. Totally.
As the night of the Swap progressed and my little waterproof vibrator sat forlornly in its plastic box, I molested Little Miss Ass Saver's gift. Totally swooned for it. I fell in LOVE. And I was sad. Many of you probably think I shouldn't have been sad to end up with a waterproof vibrator and Hanky Panky underwear. But you know how I feel about rechargeable batteries. So I sat with Little Miss Ass Saver's gift until Willow had to rip it out of my hands at the end of the evening, because well...it was hers. Although I don't think she truly LOVED it as much as I did.
And so last night when I was coming home late from hockey and thought I would swing by and share in the joy of a glass of wine with all my wombats, I pulled into Little Miss Ass Saver's driveway to find that all the beeatches had left! But Little Miss Ass Saver had the house rockin' as she was washin' wine glasses with her mad skilz. And lo and behold there was a clean one for me. And so I filled it. And before I could take two sips Little Miss Ass Saver handed me this:
All taped up in a nice box from Apple. She handed me a cheese spreader to cut the tape and my hands shook as I looked her in the eyes. Could it be? Could it really be? A gift for me? But I didn't pole dance for it, or jump rope naked, or sing a nasty rap song about my husband's penis? Really? For me??
It twas! It twas! Still in its plastic case. I couldn't open it there. My hands smelled like moldy wet leather from hockey, still with oil on them from trying to undo a frozen latch to my hatch. I would wait to molest it later. And then when I did, all tucked under my down comforter, after a long ass burning shower, I felt the cover. So smooth. And I turned the page.
And Oh my god, TEN years!
And the Doctor's Peanut Sate Sauce.
And Katy's amazing kiwi salsa that I ate so much of at Burke that I was shitting kiwi seeds for a week.
And oh my, E's Cola Cake. Can you believe it?
And naked pictures of me because I wouldn't send Little Miss Ass Saver a picture of me in my red dress with my nipples poking through.
And Jen's Ginger Chicken!!
And Mud's Secret Garlic Soup, which isn't a secret. You just have to go to Mary's to buy it!
And our sweet Goddess Who is Gone. Although she'll never really be gone. Ever.
And Andrea's Chicken Marbella! mmm. I still have dreams about the sauce!
And Sassy Susan's fabulous Cilantro dipping sauce!
And Lee's Spinich Balls, which I picture her making every Sunday afternoon just to fit a few in her purse for the week's snacking.
And Jenny's Chicken Sausage and Kale Stew, which I have to admit I've never had but please can I make it right now?
And of course, look at this Super Hero. Truly a Super Hero rejoicing in the goodness of her Glory Bowl, which I could sleep in if I could.
And pictures of us. US. Us being us.
This book, this little book, speaks to me. I love food. Especially food associated with events. Especially food associated with friends. I love photos. Especially photos of my friends.
If you have friends (and I hope you do), if you have friends who cook good stuff (and I hope you do), if you have photos of your friends (and I hope you do) make one of these books. And then when you receive yours in the mail and rip open the box, molest it. You created it. So molest it. And then share it with your friends so they can molest it. I'm so glad Little Miss Ass Saver shared it with me. It's an heirloom now, as all homemade gifts should be.