Monday, December 7, 2009

Meet The Green Monster

Oh, way back in the days before Paul Bunyan completed this amazing feat we heated our home with a woodstove. It was a Hearthstone...beautiful slate, beautiful size, beautiful warmth, beautiful dust, beautiful whistle. The thing made the house sound like it was whistling its own unique monotone tune. Don't know what it was. But I loved it.

And then along came something bigger and better and I was a little sad. I thought I would miss the ambiance of the Hearthstone- it being at the center of our living, eating, cooking, playing area. But I don't. I thought I would miss its HEAT, which it could throw off quick (but not too far). But I don't. I thought I would miss its convenience (it's right here for gawd's sake). But I don't.

I'd like to introduce you to The Green Monster. We have to, however, take a little walk. It's not too far. Don't worry, you can still come out in your bathrobe. If you've got it on.

He's smokin' now.

But that's a good sign, that means he's workin'.

We've got to head downstairs to meet him. He's in the belly of the shop.

Here's his big ass door. I'm not really allowed to open it, but for your viewing...I'll do it quick.

But every time I do I get smoked out. It's hot!!

Almost 180 degrees hot. But that's gorgeous. Because see, the Green Monster is heating water that is getting pumped both throughout Paul Bunyan's shop (radiant floors) and over to our house. He heats the hot water tank, which in turn heats our home through hot water base board heat. No dust. No dirt. No propane.

He's smoky. But he's hot. Sexy hot. He's on my list of things that Happify the Hussy and here's why:

I like heating all our domestic hot water with wood and not propane because of 1) the polar bears and 2)I like taking long HOT showers. Showers so hot my ass is on fire when I get out. And this way I feel like I'm getting a free ass burning shower. I can be in there as long as I want. Because the Green Monster...he needs stuff to heat. He's gotta have outlets or else he'll blow. And that's a big messy mess if he blows his gasket. There's talk of an outdoor cedar hot tub. The Green Monster is requesting other things to heat. And if we were to comply, well then, you could come burn your ass off with me.

But for now, we'll just keep his door closed and his fire box full and I'll let you know when the hot tub is hooked up.


  1. In our old house, we had a beast in the basement. It was very similar. It would take coal, wood or oil. We would load it in the morning w/ wood and it would go all day. It was great. Unfortunately, we caved and got an oil furnace when it died.

  2. what anonymous didn't say in her 'It was great' comment is that it's first stage of death - boiler bursting a seam - came on the coldest day of winter. 25 below. on a saturday. in the evening. (ie: maximum payment for welder service call).

    then we limped thru the rest of winter with it drinking, chugging oil. and it was a several year demolition/removal process (at least dawn's dad was happy to reuse all the sheets of metal from it...)

    oh, and did i mention we had just filled the barn (i mean FILLED) the barn with 15 cords of wood the fall before. we've moved said wood twice with us, and can't ever make a dent in the pile...

    but yes, it was great. :)