My Blackout Wish

Paul Bunyan was in a bad mood. The freight trains kept rolling up the valley, making his hard work dance in the 80 mile an hour gusts. His wood shed swirling in the snow. The pieces of metal roofing keeping his woodpiles dry flew like large black crows to the tops of trees. The alpaca tent flapped in the breeze, leaving the animals sitting in snow drifts up to their backs. He raced to fix it all, only to come back to the homestead to find the grill pulled mercifully off the porch, it lay on the ground in rusted pieces and his beautiful red pines laying lateral. Paul Bunyan was in a bad mood.

Luckily for us the kids were at school and we could sit and listen to the trains race past and watch the tamarack tree sway like some drunken sailor. But when they arrived home and what, "no power?". We watched as the transformer lit up a fourth of July firework display, right in front of us, free, no admission and POP.

But who would have thunk that as darkness invaded the spawn got lost in the corners of the house with their headlamps on and they clamored to sit on each other's laps by the fire to have Claire read to them and at dinner, which miraculously made its way from pasta water to paper plate, they gave thanks (by the nature of eating dinner by candlelight, which we only do on Thanksgiving) for:

"I'm thankful Claire let us read with her," said Timmy.
"I'm thankful Claire read to us," said Auggie.
"I'm thankful I could read to the boys," said Claire.

And they were all thankful for having an excuse, finally, to not flush the toilet or wash their hands after going pee. And for having candles in their rooms.

But Paul Bunyan was still in a bad mood two days later when we arrived home last night to find out that it was all still dark. But by 9 p.m. the help arrived.



And they shined their little light on us.




And they made the darkness go away by replacing a small little fuse. Hmm. Paul Bunyan wished he could have done that.

But when the lights came on last night and I saw the mountain of dishes in the sink and the scum in the toilets and the detritus all over the house, it made me want to sit in the dim light again, and in the quiet, and knit by the whistling Hearthstone.



And so I did. And I left the Polly Pocket's farm equipment and the remnant of the party Polly was having with the cows sitting in the corner hoping that the kids might put their headlamps on tonight when it's dark and play with each other like there is no other option. Just as long as they flush the toilet and wash their hands when they are done.

Meet The Green Monster

Oh, way back in the days before Paul Bunyan completed this amazing feat we heated our home with a woodstove. It was a Hearthstone...beautiful slate, beautiful size, beautiful warmth, beautiful dust, beautiful whistle. The thing made the house sound like it was whistling its own unique monotone tune. Don't know what it was. But I loved it.

And then along came something bigger and better and I was a little sad. I thought I would miss the ambiance of the Hearthstone- it being at the center of our living, eating, cooking, playing area. But I don't. I thought I would miss its HEAT, which it could throw off quick (but not too far). But I don't. I thought I would miss its convenience (it's right here for gawd's sake). But I don't.

I'd like to introduce you to The Green Monster. We have to, however, take a little walk. It's not too far. Don't worry, you can still come out in your bathrobe. If you've got it on.


He's smokin' now.



But that's a good sign, that means he's workin'.


We've got to head downstairs to meet him. He's in the belly of the shop.


Here's his big ass door. I'm not really allowed to open it, but for your viewing...I'll do it quick.


But every time I do I get smoked out. It's hot!!




Almost 180 degrees hot. But that's gorgeous. Because see, the Green Monster is heating water that is getting pumped both throughout Paul Bunyan's shop (radiant floors) and over to our house. He heats the hot water tank, which in turn heats our home through hot water base board heat. No dust. No dirt. No propane.


He's smoky. But he's hot. Sexy hot. He's on my list of things that Happify the Hussy and here's why:

I like heating all our domestic hot water with wood and not propane because of 1) the polar bears and 2)I like taking long HOT showers. Showers so hot my ass is on fire when I get out. And this way I feel like I'm getting a free ass burning shower. I can be in there as long as I want. Because the Green Monster...he needs stuff to heat. He's gotta have outlets or else he'll blow. And that's a big messy mess if he blows his gasket. There's talk of an outdoor cedar hot tub. The Green Monster is requesting other things to heat. And if we were to comply, well then, you could come burn your ass off with me.



But for now, we'll just keep his door closed and his fire box full and I'll let you know when the hot tub is hooked up.

Merry Christmass Santa!

While I was selling my wares at a craft fair today, Paul Bunyan was watching the spawn.

When I got home Auggie was quick to show me the picture he made for Santa today.


And I held my breath.


Because I didn't want him to know that I think sometimes Santa can be an ass.

Winter's Passing

They said your funeral
would be down in the valley.
And that the women
would wear white muffs,
in your honor.
I can picture the boys
in their hand knit hats
and me in the boots
I wanted to test out.
I would be standing at
the podium,
weary with your loss.
But I would say something like,
"I'll think of you each December
when I see,
through my side view mirror,
my dog's ears flapping in the arid breeze
and the geese,
who don't know which
direction to fly."

Call Me Clean

Are you ready for the second item on my list? Here it is:

Isn't it beautiful? I know. The facade is not indicative of what's inside.



Because look at this!! Isn't it beautiful? It's call Citrus Sunrise. I bought a box of it.



And I bought some of these.



And some of these.



This is Vermont Soapworks Outlet Store in Middlebury, Vermont. And I love it. It makes me happy. I try to go once a year. I buy a lot of soap. I love buying soap. I love buying all natural soap. Made right there at the factory. I watched them. I saw them making it. I smelled them making it. I was happy.



This is new (and was 50% off) so I bought two. All purpose, all natural, all local.



And this is my favorite flavor, so I bought a whole box.



And I filled a box with a lot of these.



And this fine soap is perfect for the Holidays.



And this Blue Bar is perfect for your acne, cause' I know you got some. That or your Athlete's Foot, cause' I know you got one.



And if I had one of these I could make my own. And then I'd be a real homesteader. And I'd get a goat and I'd milk her and then I'd make goat's milk soap. And then I'd put oatmeal in it and lavender and oranges and all sorts of stuff. And maybe some day you could call me a homesteader instead of hussy. But you could definitely call me clean. Some day.

BUY Vermont Soapworks Soap today! It'll make you clean and happy!

Because I can.

I'm a list person. I've got lists all over my house. Lists next to my bed. Lists next to the phone. Lists in my head. Lists of things to get at the store. Lists of things I want to read. Lists of things I want to do. Lists of things I've already done.

Because it's December. Because it feels like it's actually now winter here in Vermont. Because there are 25 days until Christmas, I feel like making a list. I'm going to start making a list of my favorite things, you know, like Oprah; or like Martha..."It's a good thing". I'm making a list and checking it twice. These are things that make me go hmm. These are the things that make the Hussy happy. They happify the Hussy. They hussify the Happy in me. Whatever. Here is the first item on my list. I just bought it yesterday.


And I'm having a love affair with it. Shh...don't tell Paul Bunyan. Do you know what it is??



It's called a Neti Pot. Don't you just love the name? It just rolls off the tongue.

Do you know what it does?? It's a beautiful thing. You fill it with 1/4 cup of warm water and 1/4 tsp. of non-iodized salt and then you tilt your head over a sink and insert the spout into your upper nostril. The water flows into your nose and out the other nostril. Sometimes it goes down the back of your throat, but then you just gag and spit it out and start again. Then you fill it back up and do the other nostril. And then you blow the nastiest green boogers out of of your nose. I know you love to do this. You can't lie to me.

I'm in love with the Neti Pot. I've never smoked pot. But I'm in love with a Neti Pot. You might be able to smoke pot out of the Neti Pot, but I'm not sure.

I bought this Neti Pot at Healthy Living for $17.99. It was made in Brunswick, ME at a company called Coryell Clayworks. They say they have matching salt containers. Wouldn't that be cool? They also say that, "Nasal irrigation has been used since antiquity as one of the most important of all preventive medical practices. The moisture provided through irrigation works to empty the sinuses of thick, infected mucus which collects there. Irrigation helps to restore normal sinus function and provides relief from nasal and head congestion, headaches, sinus pain and sore throats". Isn't that cool. I'm all, like, antiquated now.

This is a PERFECT stocking stuffer. Especially for someone you know who is full of big nasty green boogers.

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.

BIG MAC



FILET O' FISH




QUARTER POUNDER



FRENCH FRIES



ICEY COKE



THICK SHAKES




SUNDAES



and APPLE PIES.



I love that I can have it my way.