Thursday, March 17, 2011

I'm Telling You...It's God's Will

Helloooo? Are you there God? It's me Margaret. No seriously. Where have you been? I've been waiting here for you, for like days. But you kept not showing up. And so I was all, like, 'whatever.' And so I took off and became stuck like a piece of beef jerky. Up all inside the space between my teeth. I tell ya, this living life stuff is hard work. have you been? I've been good. I've been good. I'm sorry, I just had to say that twice. But seriously, I've been good.

I'll explain why. I have this neighbor. She used to work for a homeopathic vet and so she's really a wealth of knowledge in the homeopathic remedy field. She has offered to help my garbage guzzling Lab when she's had a pancreatic belly ache. But it didn't seem to work- she still dug herself a hole in the dirt to crawl into and sulk. Kelly has spritzed her Rescue Remedy at foaming alpacas who are stretched flat out on their bellies getting their hairs clipped. But they still spit anyway. She has most recently sent down a tiny brown bottle full of tiny white balls of something called Merc. V. It was supposed to heal Liebe's red ulcers on the roof of her mouth. But what Liebe really needed was a $600 tooth extracted and a few doses of prednisone to get her immune system in check. Kelly kept hoping that something would work immediately and that all pain and suffering would be cured from the moment the tiny white balls hit the saliva in the mouth. And that I would be sold on the benefits of homeopathy.

I have to be honest.
I was skeptical all along.
Until now.

After 8 months of antibiotics, I finished my last dose of doxycycline at the end of February. As I approached the finish line I was taking 400 mg every day. And I was scared shitless because I still felt the symptoms in my spine- mostly a numbing pain. I knew that it took only about 3 weeks of being off antibiotics (in early June) for the spirochetes to spread from my joints, into my spine, and up into my brain. So, needless to say, I was very frightened of being back where I was last June...unable to talk, write, think. So I was grasping for any doctor who would give me more. MORE! But I had exhausted all my resources and so was wondering where could I turn. No doctors in the area will treat this disease as it should be treated and so I was considering heading out of state. But I wanted to try something first, something I had heard about from another sufferer who had beat Lyme with an herbal remedy.

And so I took a risk, always thinking positively that if she could win this battle (along with thousands like her) with this remedy, then I could too.

Here's my line-up. I'm not really sure what's in it. Maybe frog's feet and crow's balls, but whatever it is I've been told it's God's Will to Heal and that everything that makes up the remedy has been harvested with prayer, so I'm feeling a little more confident that He's backing me here.

And here's the thing. I've never felt better (well, since the f-ing tick bit me). But the shit is working. Knock on wood because I'm still in disbelief and I don't want to jinx myself. So now if I follow the protocol I need to do a few coffee enemas, lots of saunas, a few Epsom salt baths, and possibly a 7 day "fast" where I only eat maple syrup and juice. Hhmm. Yea.

We'll see.

But there are some other positives. Here I am on my last day of Doxy:

I mean really- look at that honker. I was like Rudolph for 8 straight months....even with 100 block. Every kid who came near me pointed a nasty dirty finger in my face and said, "hey. You have a red nose." No shit Sherlock. I've burnt fingers and toes and ear lobes.

And another positive is that I got juices back. Ladies, you all know what I'm talking about. Praise the good Lord I Probably Should Believe In Right About Now.

Sooooo now I'm on an herbal remedy kick.

I got ass cracks in my fingers. A hairy chin. A daughter with an attitude. If it's God's Will to Heal, then bring on the healing. There must be a remedy for any of it. All of it!

There has got to be a remedy for this Spring Rite of Passage.

How can we heal this ugly Mohawk illness?

And what about my propensity to eat a whole bag of potato chips in one sitting?

Or what about the nail biting habit?

Or how to fix his baldness? Oh wait, I find that really sexy. Never mind. Well, we need to find a way to stop the head from sweating at night.

And how to stop making the dogs eat trash?
Or (at least) how to stop them from eating cat poop?
And how to make the spawn all kind and considerate to each other?
And how to get rid of anxiety?
And how to make me less lazy?
And how to help me quit mayo?

There's got to be a good remedy for it all- harvested with prayer from Mother Earth.

I know. I know. Let's get real. So seriously, if a lightning bolt struck me down tonight...

and burned the shit out of my skin, I've got an aloe plant growing on my windowsill.


  1. thank the god you don't believe in that you're feeling so stellar.. that is great news.

    now, kelly, are you out there? my indoor sheltered, 5 yr old kitties both are sick this week - resulting in one late night trip to BEVS and another dual trip today to their favorite place. all tests negative, normal. except the litter box, eating & general look of discomfort tests. they both now have some antibiodics. anyway - maybe i'll try me some of that above line-up.

    and mg - good luck with that 'And how' list. (for the last 2 - have us 'erase' your dvr, and when you're not looking i'll put olives in your mayonaisse jar).

  2. Hey good will, I think you could save the world. You've got the right solutions all right.

  3. hey hussy,
    Let me know when and if you do the fast- we will join you in that cleanse out here in Colorado! So happy to here Mother Nature is helping you out!

  4. oh shit, hear=here
    love ya

  5. Brie! We'll cleanse together. I'll let you know!