Thursday, July 9, 2009

Christmas in July

Where does that phrase even come from? If you can enlighten me, please do so. I woke this morning to a bit of a present (and that wasn't the small someone who snuck to the foot of our bed with his pillow and managed to dislodge the dog and then me). It was this small orblike thing that has rays that warms the soul and shines brilliantly through the leaves to spray twinkling lights (especially in the morning) onto our patio, where I feasted on a mug o' tea and a bit of toast. It was a delight to eat my breakfast in the sun. And then, happenstance having taken a seat next to me too, that orb thingy shined on us pretty much all day and so then, too, happenstance and me, we ate lunch together.

So what a present I received this early July morn...considering all the drab and ratty wet gifts I've been given so far by this glum Mother Nature woman. So anywhooo, this whole Christmas in July phrase, and the whole gift of the holy sun this a.m., had me thinkin' about our holiday tradition of crazy, whacky Christmas cards. And it's right about this time anyway (well, it never was about starting the thought processes in July, but that's what happens when the pressure to please starts to take over the creative juices) that we start thinking about this year's Holiday card.

Many of our friends have received our cards from the very beginning....1999. But I think I only ordered about 25 that year; so maybe only our families received our very first wacky card. However, as the years have passed and the bandwagon has grown in depth and girth, our list of recipients has also grown. I know for a fact that we receive holiday cards from families who really could give a shit about showing us the growth rings on their homely children; they just want to ensure that we send them the next installment of our non-Christian, sometimes nude, holiday Ganz cheer.

So, not only as a refresher course for those who have already seen these cards, but also as a showcase of past cards for those who haven't seen them, I'd like to bring you down our Memory Lane of Ganzenmuller Holiday cards.

Here is our first idiotic card. We moved from the gorgeous mountains of Colorado to Philadelphia in the summer of 99'.

We wrote something like "Training for the Poconos" or some stupid thing like that.

Here is our second, almost bordering disgusting, idiotic card. We took this photo on an 8 day exploratory canoe trip. I think this was the 7th day.

Our caption for this one was "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care". Cute, huh?

So luck would have it that our family would grow.

"Lots of Love From Our Family!"

And this one Great Grandma Ann thought bordered on pornographic.

This caption...."Love, Butthead". Original, huh?

Okay, this is my favorite. Ultimate favorite. Paul Bunyan flying into the Harris/Plimpton pond.

Caption: Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!" This one really put us on the map.

That one was hard to follow, but this one is pretty good too.

Claire and I are singing Jingle Bells, in case you were wondering.

This is a little raunchy, but that's what having a farm is all about.

"Share the Love this Holiday!"

This one took some creative juices, but I like how it came out.

"Greetings from the Season"

Paul Bunyan spent the year building, with his own hands, this manger for his babies (tools).

Gold: $825.70 per ounce
Frankincense: $.88 per ounce
Myrrh: $.75 per ounce
A bomber stable: priceless.

It was too bad that no one really understood the slang term "bomber", which stands for indestructible.

And here, too, was a card that no one really "got". So many thought we had actually shot this beautiful animal, thanks, in part, to Super Cath for her photoshopping prowess. I'm sure they were happy to find out that we don't even own any guns.

Let's see if you can understand the "joke":
"Here's hopin ya get a plateful of moose this season! You betcha! And also too a New Year too!"

Hint: she's back in the news again!

Well, there you have it. The last ten years of idiotic Holiday cards. Now I'm off to enjoy the orb that still is shining its heavenly light upon us, before it is hidden by dark snowy clouds and it's actually time to get 2009's Holiday card off to the presses.

But until then, my hope for the rest of 2009 is Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all Men (and Women and Children and Dogs).

The Mavericks from Vermont

p.s. Don't be sending any of your boring "family" photo cards this year just to get on our list. We're at maximum capacity! Peace out.


  1. They are so not idiotic...we wait every year, checking the mailbox, breathless in anticipation, "Is it here yet??!!" Our families and friends wait, too!

    Also, too, if we could see Vermont from our house, we'd be experts in Christmas cards. You betcha.