Monday, April 16, 2012

Easter (@$%^&*) Brunch

I'm a week late.

NO NO NO- I'm not pregnant. That would be an act from the god I don't believe in if that happened! I'm a week behind in posts. But I wanted to share a little Easter love with you...if that's what you call it, even if it's a week late.

Well, (MOM) please don't read this if you're offended by general un-Christian-like comments and/or the F-word. STOP READING NOW.

This is how the behind the scenes commentary went between a few of the wombats as we tried to organize ourselves around this holiday none of us officially religiously (only spiritually) celebrate.

Katy:
Is anyone interested in an epic Easter egg hunt and brunch next Sunday? I have great memories of such events as a kid. John isn't up for hosting, but I'm game for hiding eggs/candy, providing egg strata and bloody mary makings. Anyone interested?

-Da 40 year old slut

Me:
I'll host!!

JB:
Great! I'll bring an egg casserole thingamajig and maybe some Easter bread. Let us know what time. We'll be going to Camp S later in the day.

Mud:
What is the attire??? Fluffy dresses and big hats??

I'll bring something edible and vodka for the bloody mary's since we have some.

I will help hide eggs since that is one of my favorite things to do. Should I bring stuff for the kids to decorate eggs too??

Me:
Please (!!) no coloring of eggs here. I have to admit that's my LEAST favorite thing about Easter. Fucking mess. I know, I'm a beeatch.

Let's do 11-2.

I don't have any plastic eggs, what does one hide- real eggs? We always do a jelly bean hunt inside so I have no idea. I've never given my kids the privilege of this tradition.

I'm a fuckin' non-Christian crumudgin. So let's just eat and drink. No dresses. Hats are up to you.

PMSing,
mg

JB:

Excuse me, but if I want honor the reawakening of the Lamb of God, who hath taken away the sins of the world, by wearing my Sunday best dress to accompany my Easter hat, while I hide eggs--plastic or real--by God I will.
Hail Mary, full of grace.
Our Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.

Mud:

A-fuckin'-men!!

Me:
I hope my dog jumps on your fucking Easter best and gets alpaca shit all over it and then I hope your dog steps in my dog's shit and then he steps on your fucking Easter hat. And if the Lord was with me and blessed the fruit of my womb he would take all the fucking Easter candy and fake green grass and yellow Peeps made out of something from a horse's hoof and he would throw all that shit OUT! And then he would send down word from the heavens above that there is NO FUCKING EASTER BUNNY that comes INTO your HOUSE to leave you shit that makes your teeth rot.

I'm making eggs Benedict. And maybe an asparagus pie. AND I'm going to drink like a fish and puke in your hat.

So fuck off.

Katy:

Your kids are going to fucking love me when I fill your yard with horse hoof products and plastic!

But really, if this is going to mess with your non tradition I can respect that (and lock your kids in a closet or something while the other kids hunt).

I can't wait to see the white hat, white shoes, and white tights jen wears!

JB:
Katy! You ruined the surprise element of my outfit. What if we hide colored hard-boiled eggs only--no plastic jobbies. Then, they trade in their eggs for a nice chocolate bunny, or a little Easter basket with treats in it. That way they all get the same amount of stuff, there's less junk, and still a fun egg hunt with treats. I'd be willing to pick up the baskets and stuff after work one day. Feel free to veto me...

Katy:

Okay, fine, I'll give up my reminiscing about fantastic egg hunts I was treated to as a kid. It probably turned me into the competitive shit that I am now........and my little redheads aren't likely to be able to fight seven and ten year olds for horse hooves and whatnot, anyway. So, seeing that Mary hates dying eggs, those of us who like eating/dying them should do so before the gathering and hide them while kids are eating brunch or something. A few chocolate goodies hidden here or there wouldn't hurt.

As for the menu:
  • Mary is making eggs benedict
  • I'm making an egg strata (unless Jen would rather), an easter rabbit shaped cake (with lots of refined sugar), bloody mary's (mud, we've got plenty of booze to bring-- after my husband picked up the purchased alcohol that was supposed to be at High Meadow) and I'll bring coffee (am I correct that you don't drink coffee mary?).
  • We need juice and fruit and maybe muffins/donuts
Weather looks like it'll be beautiful-- 62 degrees and sunny (as of right now)

Me:
We've got a good old fashioned party forming! E and Rebecca are joining us and I felt obligated to put the invite out to everyone. I'm going to change my eggs benedict (too much work for too many people) and make a sausage/egg bake and maybe some scones.

Bring chairs!





But what transpired was pure (wholly) fun!


Because




what



it




really




comes




down




to




is




Easter





is




about






them and





them





and



them and



us.




And then when all of us get together with the spawn we created



it doesn't matter who died on what cross for what sins or was or was not resurrected. What matters is that we have each other to fill in the love and support and faith that a church community provides. And then we add a little fun with expletives and jesting. And then we put really good food and a little alcohol and mix all that in with a bunch of really fucking cute kids, add a kick-ball game and a walk in the woods, and you've got a perfect perfect day.


1 comment:

  1. We are pretty fuckin' funny, I have to say.

    ReplyDelete