I Am Host To A Wily Beast

Today is the last day of summer.  We ate the remainder of it at the fair last night- mostly cotton candy and popcorn with a few maple creamees on the side.  We might jump some cliffs today but the clouds of school are hanging pretty low.  And something called sock-her starts tonight.   The boys are buying cleats...again.  It happens way too often around here.

We've had a pretty eventful couple of weeks.  It all started when these guys turned 8.

The goggles, I'd like to report, have not been chewed by Bee (yet).

The reading lamps, I'd like to report as well, have not been used (yet).  Cripes all mighty making these boys read is like pulling out their toe nails one by one.

Well, they got some pretty sweet swag- boots and camelbacks and....

the worst looking chocolate cake I've ever made.   Well, for some reason EIGHT comes with the right to put your hands in your pants when you're sitting on the couch watching a movie with your mother.  It also gives you the right to look at your muscles more often and to start smelling your body odor.  I know, who knew, right?

Two days after that my husband turned 40.  FORTY.  Now, he already plays with his dingaling and looks at his muscles and smells his own body odor, but all that doesn't matter because in case you haven't noticed he's HOT. 

And so with the help of Dirty Steve, I was able to plan a weekend in Bristol, RI with the majority of the Mothership, one of whom (the dingaling on the far left) came all the way from L.A. to touch Paul Bunyan's muscles.  They sure do love to do that.  And Jarhead, although he drove from Lake George, is from Aspen, CO and Timmy James Hender Fender, although he drove from Newport, RI, is from Lake Forest, IL.  And Stinky Jon drove down the next day from N.H.

We ate a few of these, dipped in a little bit of that, with a bunch of that on the side and we slurped it down with a few of those.  

 Definitely just what Paul Bunyan wanted- a weekend with his favorite friends, in one of his favorite places, eating his favorite things and being....

young at heart.

 Four days after that we swam in a dinner of tomatoes at the Kitchen Table Bistro's annual tomato dinner.  FOURTEEN years of marriage.   That means we've earned the right to now publicly display our affection and touch each other wherever we want when we're watching a movie on the couch.  It also means that we've been married long enough to feel sad about losing Paul Bunyan's wedding band this summer at the beach but not overly concerned about replacing it right now.  He says he won't pretend NOT to be married when he's at the bars downtown dancing like a college boy but then again he has all those muscles now.

Two days after that- after being off my antibiotics for a week- the wily lyme beast reared its ugly head.  Right back where I started two plus years ago.  It was laying dormant for this whole year.  I'm trying to find hope in striped rocks on the road as I pull up Japanese Knotwood roots to pulverize into a remedy.  I'll eat octopus if I have to.  Anything to kill the beast inside me before it kills me.   I'm trying to stay hopeful and to remember that EIGHT plus FORTY plus FOURTEEN is a big number to fight for. 

A Wedding in a Roundabout Way.

This is Hole. She was number 14. Our sweeper. At Iowa. She played with her heart. And it was big. Now she is head coach...as in, the one in charge. For the Dartmouth Field Hockey team. She's been doing it for 12 years. Yes, I know. I haven't done anything for twelve straight years- except breath. And even that I sometimes suck at.

I saw her yesterday. Her team lost to the University of Vermont with 54 seconds left. I saw her pacing, not wanting to watch that last corner shot. I saw her down on one knee for ten minutes after the game talking to her team, debriefing. I saw her being someone....to them.

As I was walking out with Auggie, who luckily still holds my hand (even at school) I said, "I used to be one of them. I was good. I was better, actually." He smiled up at me...like I was joking.

And that's what it's been for me lately. "I used to be this." "I used to do this." "I was once that." I've lived in these phrases like a batch of old t-shirts. They say: division 1 athlete, teacher, scholar. And every time I say it I think to myself, "what is wrong with who you are today that you have to rely on telling everyone who you were then?"

******


Steve and Kate got married. Hitched. Tied the Knot. The Mothership is in disbelief that a) Dirty got married and b) that he married a woman as good as Kate. Dirty is vastly under-appreciated. What I love most about weddings, besides the free food and drinks, is that sometimes (to strangers) I get to pretend that I am someone I'm not.

When I was up to my ears in baby shit (seriously, washing it from their tiny bums, spraying it off cloth diapers into the toilet, and every other day washing dirty diapers in the washing machine with boiling hot water that I had to add to the mix) I always wanted to tell people (if they EVER asked me what I did for a living) that I was in the shit business. And then I pictured myself walking away and letting them come up with their own conclusions as to what my "shit business" entailed.

I've pictured myself lying about being a writer (one that got paid), a fiber artist (one that got paid), a forester (I own, okay well, lease-to-own a friggin' forest), a homesteader (like one that doesn't ever ever go to the grocery store), and a wall-tent bed and breakfast owner (someday). I've never lied about being any of these things, mostly because I don't think anyone has ever asked but even if they did, I'm sure I said "stay-at-home" mom. blah.





Well, these hoodlums, 5 of the 9 Mothership members, stood up next to Steve. Steve's brother is on the far left.




And these fine Harvard graduates stood up next to Kate.




And well, she's the gorgeous bride. And he's the Dirt.




And she's changing the world. And he's changing hers.



And he's on the stock exchange. And she's a dermatologist resident.



And I don't know who she is or what she does, but he's a super hero.




And she's a wedding planner in Manhattan. And besides being a grump, he's a 5th grade teacher.


And seriously, I don't know what he is. But he married someone who is someone.





And so did I.

At the reception, Paul Bunyan and I were talking to a couple from Vermont about their lives. He works (from what I could gather) out of the home and she, when we asked, didn't say anything. She couldn't come up with anything. Not even stay-at-home Mom, which she is. But how fun- seriously- could she have had if she said surgeon, gardener, garbage collector for that matter? How fun would it have been to have seen our faces? We gave her the perfect opportunity but I guess she didn't see the fun in lying, or more likely the need.

*****

My newest doula family is neat. How is that for trite? They're neat people. They do neat stuff. They have neat stuff. They wear neat stuff. C'mon you know what I mean. Well, their three year old was going to a super hero birthday party yesterday. So Mom gets out the bag of fabric in the basement and pulls out the good ol' sewing machine. She whips up this cool aqua cape with a yellow lightning bolt on the back. It was sweet. Zealand decides he is the kind of super hero that shoots lightning down to start fires to scare the villains away. She then decides to make the birthday boy a cape for his present. It was red with a big C on the back- "C" for Charlie. It was neat- seriously. Then she decides to make a cape for herself and for her husband and for the twin girls- they're all going to be super heroes for Halloween. Seriously.

*****



This was the last Mothership wedding. It's all over Rover. I'm sure they'll be some more weddings in our future- just not as crazy as they get when the Mothership gets together. And that's a good thing because Paul Bunyan and I could barely get out of bed Monday morning from all that dancing. On the way down to Newport on Thursday I finished knitting myself an alpaca capelet (as it's called) to go with this dress I designed. I'm not cool enough to sew, but the dress was a lot of fun- mostly because I made sure it had POCKETS! I'm excited to wear it again sometime, especially with my super hero cape. And now that I have the idea, I'm excited to see the expression on the person's face who asks me what I do for a living and I say, "I'm a super hero. I fly down and save the mother's who are about to go crazy from sleep deprivation and over exhaustion from having to feed the human beings they pushed out their vaginas or had ripped from their bellies." And then I fly away with my arms pointed to the sky, sparks coming out of the bottom of my dress, toes pointed to the ground. Mmm hhhmmm. That's right.

A Timeline, of sorts.

10/10/10








Hello??

Hello?

Are you still there?

I feel like I just came up in some metal tube from under the ground. And, like, I was there, like, for two months. Weird. I'm guessing you're still around. But I'm not sure you've been there at all.

So, I hope you're there.

I got washed away in the Mothership. If you were wondering.



Don't know if I've ever really introduced you to the Mothership. When I met Paul Bunyan he lived down the street from me on South Prospect Street in Burlington, VT. Paul was a little confused during his senior year so he didn't know whether to be in love with me or not, or to be with his friends or not, or to smoke some more pot or not, or to go to Alaska or not. He was all upside down and turned around. He was addicted to a few things including, but not limited to, turtles, BIG fish, BIG snakes, a SKINK, frogs, toads and lots of lizards.

The members of the Mothership each have their own tales about what animal escaped when and which couch it hid in and for how long. Any way you look at it, it was insane to step foot into that house. 9 (NINE) guys, two floors, and lots of crazy shit going on- stories, that some day after I've heard them for the upteenth time, I'll take the time to write down.

When Paul Bunyan and I got married 12 years ago the Mothership was sort of dissolved. I think they were finding and winding their ways back across the country to figure out what they were going to do with their lives. It having been only 2 years from graduation, I'm not sure where any of them really were. Well, I know Dirty Steve was still in Burlington but that's because he was too busy loitering around Handy's Lunch to move on and up in the world.


This is the man known as Dirt. He no longer loiters. He is, however, the last of the Mothership to get married. But that's another story for another time. Or so they say.

Now, back to what I was saying. Rob and Tim were the only two to be invited to our wedding. Not to say that Paul Bunyan didn't love or appreciate any of the other 6 guys, I just don't think he really 'knew' them in the biblical way that many of the other guys 'knew' each other.

When Tim and Alana:


got married in the summer of 2000 in Newport, R.I. the Mothership was starting to take shape. Many of the guys believe it's because of Dirt, who like a faithful woman, keeps in touch and gossips with all her girlfriends. He keeps everyone in the loop and has done so since this wedding. Now mind you, Dirt graduated that spring from UVM...4 years after the rest of the Mothership, and had NOTHING to do.

Tim and Alana now live in Lake Forest, IL with their three beautiful kids and two crazy dogs.

Now, somewhere between the summer of 2000 and the summer of 2002- let's just guess here that it was the summer of 2001- the boys of the Mothership got together up at Rainy Lake, Minnesota for their first Reunion. There were four things involved: fishing, brown liquor clinics, backgammon playing, and eating.



But it was on this trip (and you'll see it there on the Budhead third from the left) that a certain Minnesota Viking cap was purchased at the Minneapolis/St.Paul airport. And the rest, as they say, is history.

In the summer of 2002, Brie and Adam tied the knot.



They've been voted the best looking couple of the Mothership, but Steve hasn't gotten married yet, so I'm not sure that's a fair vote. These two had their nuptials on a mountain top near Boulder, the town they now reside in with their two handsome and wonderfully behaved boys. Brie's "capping" began the tradition of "inducting" the wives into the Mothership with a simple ceremony. Not sure whose idea it was, but it became 'the way' from this day onward.

You'll have to excuse the woman talking in the foreground but if you listen closely you can hear Paul Bunyan welcoming Brie into the Mothership:





Here's a little 'extra' high quality video I took after a few brown liquor drinks and during the longest party I've ever attended, following the most beautiful wedding I've ever attended, which happened to have started at the earliest hour I've ever attended a wedding.







And here's where it gets a little foggy for me.

Jared elopes in Hawaii in 2003 with his wife Diana and they now live in Aspen, CO with their two sweet girls. Diana gets to miss the "induction" into the Mothership. Boo.

The beeps are kinda quiet in 2004 and 2005. Don't know why??

But in 2006 Jeff and Shea get hitched in Steamboat Springs, CO. It was a cold fall weekend. I just remember skinny dipping in a reservoir on the way up and over Rabbit Ears pass. Shea readily accepts her initiation. There was good dancing. And many a drink.

In 2007 the boys gather again in South Carolina for a guys only reunion.


There were four things involved: fishing, brown liquor clinics, backgammon playing, and eating. I shouldn't say that. This picture shows that they tried to play some golf.



And then our sweet sweet Craig and Michelle in 2008.

Friends may come,





And friends may go,




But now they have little Cooper to show. They reside in the town I was born in: Reading PA!!

And, then, last June 2009:



You can par ruse my outline about it here. Miss Zoey welcomed us with open arms, as we did her. Paul Bunyan never felt prouder to put that Viking hat on another woman.

The boys hit the rapids in Colorado this past June. There were four things involved: fishing, brown liquor clinics, backgammon playing, and eating. I shouldn't say that. Dirt says that there wasn't any backgammon being played, but if there was he would have won. AND two of the Mothership are sober now. It's a good thing, as Martha Stewart says. I'm sure in time there will be more. Lastly, one is on his back, literally, after having back surgery. And as time goes on, I'm sure there will be more.


And now. Now.

The Mothership was in the house this past weekend- 12 of the 18- for Uncle Stinky Jon's wedding (the 8th member of the Mothership to get hitched). This is a slideshow of photos I took at the ceremony. The song is from Jon's brother's CD: David Marshall with a Little Big Chicken. This song was drifting from Jon's bedroom in the basement of the Mothership the first time I made out with Paul Bunyan in the winter of 1995. I was leaning up against an old school style video game. It was our first date. Don't judge me. I fell in love with him that night. Because he finished my dinner.

A Fall Wedding in Vermont from on Vimeo.

And in so many many ways, I fell in love with the Mothership that night too. But as of late, I think it's the ladies. It's Alana, Brie, Michelle, and Zoe. I love laughing and eating and drinking and dancing with you ladies. We bring out the best in the Mothership. I'm convinced of it. And frankly, it might have been Dirt initially who kept the ship alive with all his beep beep beeping. But now, now it's us. We'll see you on the beach ladies- minus the men!!

The Winkler Wedding from a Deconstructionist Viewpoint (outline only)

***Do not start reading this outline if you are about to start dinner for your children, or you think you might have to take a shit, or you want to catch your favorite show in a few minutes. It is long and detailed, as dissertations should be, and therefore it deserves to be read in one sitting, without interruption. Thank you.

I. Rob's 35th (Eeek!) Birthday...the day we arrive.

A. Venice Beach visit.

1. 1st Mexican meal.
2. 1st meal I didn't have to prepare.
3. found out Michael Jackson died.
4. everyone was crying.
5. except me.

D. Rest of the Mothership arrive at retro apartment.

E. Birthday Party.

1. 1st hugs and kisses from Henry.
2. 2nd meal I didn't have to prepare.
3. cake.

4. kisses (meet Zoe!)

5. hugs (meet Henry!)

6. Mothers (meet Stacy and Lois)

7. Presents.


II. L.A. is cold. Bring sweatshirt next time.
A. 3rd meal I didn't have to prepare.
B. Hike
1. straight up.

2. foggy views.

3. lizard hunting.

4. boys in love with each other.


C. Malibu

1. 2nd Mexican meal.
2. 4th meal I didn't have to prepare.
3. surfing boys.

D. Shopping on Abbott Kinney

1. saw Marcia Cross.
2. ate first Pink Berry, glad it was free.
3. bought nothing.

E. Rehearsal Dinner. Buffalo Club

1. 2nd hugs and kisses from Henry.
2. 5th meal I didn't have to prepare.
3. lots of fun with friends.

3.a. blushing bride to be.


3.b. Steve and Kate plus zero.


3.c. Craig and Michele plus 18 weeks.


3.d. Tim and Alana plus three.


3.e. sharing the love.


3.f. Paul Bunyan would beat this man up later this evening.



3.g. my newest friend. I told him I would sign this photo for him.



4. Video
4.a.


4.b.


4.c.


4.d. The Mothership introduces itself.

5. The party begins

1. I did not start that food fight. I don't have any recollection. It couldn't have been me.
2. The only reason I went into the ocean was because I was drunk.
3. I did not have anything to do with Paul Bunyan moabing Jon.

III. The BIG DAY
A. Breakfast

1. 3rd Mexican meal.
2. 6th meal I didn't have to prepare.
3. should have ordered the burrito called the 'hangover' but I got the special.

B. Beach

1. Finally I was hot.
2. Burned my back.
3. Hung with the ladies while the 'boys' went to the Bell Air.

C. THE MAIN EVENT

1. The walk in.
1.a. chandelier is the first thing I see.



1.b. flowers are the next.


1.c. 3rd hug and kiss from Henry...in his home.

2. The Backyard: how to decorate for an outdoor wedding. Holy Shit.

2.a. hang chandeliers from a tree.


2.b. get as many couches and pillows as you can.


2.c. throw herbs on the ground where people will walk. It smells like you're taking a bath with thyme and rosemary. Delicious.


2.d. invite hicks from Vermont.


2.d.1. The New York dress.


2.e. Better yet, invite super stars.


3. The Ceremony. How to do it right (or the way Zoe and Rob did it).

3.a. walk down with both parents to Bob Seeger


3. b. walk down with both parents to the Old 97's "Question".

please listen...it's awesome.

Question (LP Version) - Old 97s



3.c. write your own vows. Rob's were the best I have ever heard. Someday he'll send them to me and you'll be able to read them yourselves.


3.d. Have a great herpes-free kiss.

Sorry that this photo is focused on the man with the mohawk. Paul Bunyan was holding the camera in the air to take the picture.

4. Let's Start the Party.
4.a. Have champagne ready!

The blue napkins on the table in the back right of this photo had fun quotes about Rob and Zoe (i.e. Rob and Zoe like to sing together in the car). Super cute!


4.b. have fun hors d'ouevres to eat with plastic cups and spoons.


4.c. let people snoop in your house, but have security there to make sure they don't take anything.


4.d. provide lots of things for the ladies, it they need it.

Paul Bunyan came home with most of these items...shhh. There was no security in the bathroom.

4.e. tree with wishes.


4.f. classic cake.


4.g. with classic top.


4.h. can you guess?


4.i. wear pink shoes.


5. The Dinner...in the front yard.

5.a. Are you kidding me?


5.b Love the ones you're with.
5.b.1 Jarhead.


5.b.2. Craig


5.b.3 Michele and baby.


5.b.4 Stinky.


5.b.5. Lovely Brie and husband Adam.


5.b.6. New BFF.


5.c. 7th meal I didn't have to prepare.
5.d. Have French Service.
5.e. Find the best chef you can afford.

6. Late night party....back to the backyard.
a. serve crazy good bite size desserts
b. have a band
c. have a d.j.
d. have slippers for the ladies.
e. have cappuccino and espresso machines.
f. serve late night snacks.
g. cry when you dance with your father to this:

Daughter - Loudon Wainwright III


7. Exit
7.a. 4th hug and kiss from Henry
7.b. give Zoe and Rob the Viking Hat.

Do not lose it guys (there are many more occasions where it will be needed)!!

7.c. just missed the ice cream truck.
7.d. ate Krispy Kreme donuts instead, which were left in our mini van.

IV. BRUNCH.
A. Holy Big House

1. 5th hug and kiss from from Henry
2. ate my 8th meal I didn't have to prepare
3. 6th and final hug and kiss from Henry

B. Lazy Afternoon with Rob

1. First ever In and Out Burger.
2. Which was my 9th meal I didn't have to prepare (or eat for that matter).
3. Last trip to Venice.
4. Paul Bunyan's final swim in the ocean.

C. Don Antonios.

1. 4th Mexican meal.
2. 10th and final meal I didn't have to prepare.
3. The last hurrah before catching the red eye.

V. Conclusion

A. The Eating

1. I love Mexican Food.
2. I love eating food I don't have to prepare.
3. I love eating good food.
4. I love not having to clean up after meals.
5. I love having food fights.

B. Henry's kisses and hugs.

1. Henry is a real man.
2. Henry made me feel truly special, even if I'm not famous.
   
3. Henry gave his kisses for free.
4. I didn't have any money anyway.

C. The Mothership.

1. It's weird that these men love each other as much as they do.
2. It's weird that these men beat the crap out of each other as much as they do.
3. It's weird that I love all the wives that these men chose to marry.
4. It's weird that these men love getting together and are already planning the next reunion.

D. Robert and Zoe.

1. You are beautiful people.
2. More importantly, you're beautiful people on the inside.
3. I was nervous about your union (having had Robert here a year and a half ago).
4. I am now more certain than ever that you two will make it.
5. More importantly, that you'll make each other better people in the end.
6. And most importantly, that you'll make everyone who has ever known you better people in the end.