Showing posts with label Crazy Psycho Dog Visitors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazy Psycho Dog Visitors. Show all posts

Monday, February 20, 2012

A Swirly Eye


So because these beautiful ladies came to visit a few weekends ago I made this:



I painted this backsplash (and a) this photo doesn't do it justice- you can't see the purples, greens, blues and b)just ask my friend Jen how cool it is, she'll tell you) because a) the white wall behind my stove was so greasy no Magic sponge could have taken it off, b) I can't figure out what color to paint the walls in my kitchen because I ain't no interior designer, c) their beautiful mother (see above) is a very very neat and clean person and I was embarrassed to have my white wall so greasy and so in her face (because a) I knew she would cook for us and b) I knew she would look), d) I'm really an oil painter, or at least I was in a previous life, and e)Paul Bunyan didn't believe I could paint anything cool on canvas.


Now because we had so much fun eating, drinking and making jokes about this video all weekend long:





I had no time to take any photos of their visit except for a few of these bad shots of their amazing new dog Ronan. He's a love-amuffin. A giant love bug who had never jumped over a creek bed in all his life. I'm very excited to say he did it first here. Although I'm not very excited that we have running water for him to leap over.

Now everything on this blog, as of late, has been about what's being done around here on weekends because who really wants to hear (and for god's sake who wants to remember) the minutia of our weekly grind. Who wants to remember the ten year old who grumbles every morning on her way to school- picking for fights in the garbage like a street cat looking for scraps? Who wants to hear about the untrained dog who goes chasing chickens around the yard trying to fit them into her mouth and the woman who is so angry about not training said butt head that she goes hoarse from screaming at said butt head with a stick flailing in her hand? Who wants to hear about the stomach bug virus that got sprayed in my face by my little Scarlet dear on Monday- a death sentence for me that was executed 24 hours later on Wednesday....every hour on the hour for twelve hours? Who wants to hear about my Lysol brigade? No, not you. No, not you either. And neither do my children who will one day read this.

However, I'm not sure they'll want to remember last weekend when I made them stay all day on the bay of the big lake while I and their father attempted to play pond hockey on some sort of surface called ice, on which you could neither turn nor stop, much less do anything with the puck besides lift it to a team mate who was not moving. We should have played in our boots and drank more Labatt's Blue. I probably shouldn't let them know that as they hung out in the car for a few hours I stood by the fire to have a few beers in the beer tent after the last game of the day. Shhh. They said they had fun. And I did too, despite global warming.

The swirls in my mind's eye that came out on that canvas is a good image for what my life has been like lately. Weekends swirling into weekdays- all the colors (browns and purples and greens) coming together. And it all mixing together to make a fairly palatable print.


Today is my daughter's birthday. She is ten. My head is swirling with this number. Ten years. I can't for the life of me understand where she comes from. She is doll house and fishnet stockings at the same time. She is nail polish and stuffed animals. She is still sniffing her blankets and wearing her extra high All Stars. She is instant gratification and Wizard of Oz. She is the lead in the school play and holed up in her room with her i-pod on. She is sweet and rude. Tender and mean. She is generous and selfish. She is emotional. It's a swirled up mess. It's my mind's eye.

Tonight after rushing everyone off to bed, too late, I stepped outside to load the green monster. It's cold tonight. I like when it's cold. We've had nothing come from the sky but rain. No snow. And I'm tired of the browns. I either want it white or green. So I look up. I look up. And the stars- they're bright. It's clear. I can see every single one, separate from the next. They do not merge. They do not run together. They do not swirl. And so I stay. Because at least out there- there is sense. And it's not a greasy mess.



Friday, February 26, 2010

12 Seconds Flat

Come Be Inspired.

Ladies and Gentlemen.

Please step forward.

To meet the fastest eater on this side of the Mississippi.

Introducing....

Miss Georgia.

Guest doggie.

Black ones are always welcome.

Well, any breed is always welcome.

Black ones are extra always welcome.

I'm sorry, I'm prejudiced.




You must thank these sponsors for your free viewing today:

Mr. Kibble, who provides Georgia with her delicious grub; and Ms. Enzyme, who makes it possible for Georgia to digest her un-chewed food.

(please excuse the green buckets in the back ground...they were there for bathing and flushing toilets as the impending power outage was breathing on our dirty dishes)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

The Rubber Dog



This is Uncle Stinky Jon's Dog, Kozmo, or Kosmo, or Cosmo, or Cozmo (I don't know how he spells it. I can't ask him because he's a dog; and, well, he's never written his name). Kozzy is what I call him. He got in a wicked bad fight when he was younger and lost half an ear, but the fact that he came back and can talk about it...I just have the utmost respect. Uncle Stinky is in Costa Rica changing the world. His parents have had Kozzy for the year that Jon has been gone, but we've acquired him for a month while Jon's parents go down to visit him. And black dogs are welcome here because I'm not prejudiced. I wrote about Jon here. Uncle Stinky Jon got his name because all of Paul Bunyan's college buddies are uncles to my children. There is Uncle Dirty and Uncle Robert Winkler and Uncle Timmy Jimmy Fender Hender and there are some other crazy ones but they're not allowed near my children. Uncle Stinky doesn't really stink, but I had to give him a more unique and special name than Jon; one that my children would find funny and one that would stick and forever embarrass him from here on out. I'm sure Claire will thank Uncle Stinky at her wedding for drinking heavily when she was a little girl and scarring her for life because she saw him ziplining naked in the dark.

Anyway, Kozzy is a rubber. He is a black rubber dog. He rubs. He rubs on you. This is how he lets you know he's there. He rubs on you when he's wet. He doesn't hump. He just rubs. Other than rubbing, he doesn't have too many other bizarre behavioral issues. Oh wait, there is this small thing he does with a ball. Yea, the ball thing. This dog is addicted to balls. Any size, shape, or color. He luuuuvs balls. He's twelve and a half and all his balling around has made him hobble, a lot. So, we've had strict orders to keep the balls away. But I couldn't resist, just this once, to show you the effects of the addiction. He really could do this all day long. I've seen it.



Kozzy first tries to get you to throw the ball, which (of course) we're not allowed to do. But do not fear...he will figure it out on his own!



He then plays catch with himself on the end of the dock for as long as he is able to before this happens:



And then he watches and contemplates for a very long time.



And he watches some more before deciding to....



get wet.




Liebe thinks he's crazy, but Kozzy doesn't give a shit.





Now, let's do it all over again. Play...




whoa, whoa. I almost lost it.




All right let's get it.




Saweet return.



Needless to say, this dog sleeps well at night.


Listen to Jon sing!!


Sometimes Life - Jon Marshall